yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
