So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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