it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
