i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
