I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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