I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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