cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
