I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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