Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
