You're so nebulous sometimes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
