Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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