that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she smelled like a LAN party
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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