For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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