R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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