I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize