It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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