I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
