don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
