i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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