he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
BRING THE BAGELS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
