I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
