Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize