Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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