they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we're making bets on your personal life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize