Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
