I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
