Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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