Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
