I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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