i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize