I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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