just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
