Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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