I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
