Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
