summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
