garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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