Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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