I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
