it wasn't lemon gatorade
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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