I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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