I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we made out on top of his cat.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
