I'm jealous of your bromance
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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