I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
