rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You're like the curious george of whores
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
