I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
