____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
