I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
