can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize