Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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