It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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