just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
