Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize