needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
