Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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