I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
