omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The adults are the big ones right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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