So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
