Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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