Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
