Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
