Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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