Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
