So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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