dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
