I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
