areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
