Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
