im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
