Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
