3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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