I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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