im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just invented taco cereal.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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