Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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