well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My bed smells like the plague
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
