Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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