Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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