You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She's the barista slut.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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