are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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