you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
