Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
