Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
