Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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