3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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