I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
