I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
