Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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