"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize