I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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