a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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