Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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