then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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