I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
