he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
