I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
