pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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