just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize