Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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