Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize