Do you still have your period?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
