Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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