Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
