You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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