Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
